Let's talk about... FEAR

And how the universe loves to make our lives uncomfortable, when it conspires to help us get what we want.

In a perfect world, when we wish for a change, the sun shines bright, we walk around singing like Snow White or some other Princess of your choice, (because in a perfect work I can really sing). So we walk around singing, the birds and animals frolic play fully around us and like magic Prince Charming comes to the door, offering you a world of possibilities- whatever that may be. You magically have the job that you want, the followers or whatever… the pink castle on a beach… with a private dock… whatever. You wake up and dream it and it is yours.

Create an image of a princess in her morning routine, animals frolicking around on a sunny day, she is sining and dancing

Last Major Shift

My last MAJOR life shift was probably when I was trying to get pregnant. It took so long, it was painful, it was mentally, physically and financially draining. It took eight years, multiple failed round of IVF, lots of cleaning out my closet, surrounding myself with children (whom were not my own), doing all of the manifestation things to set myself up for a life with my, now child.

My life got VERY messy before the Universe gave me what my heart desired. Something that comes so easy to so many women. But, I had to wrk for it. And I had to not destroy myself while obtaining my goal.

I also had to make some life changes. No more auditions, no more being on sets for 16 hours a day. No more driving to another state for gig work… those were decisions I made for the life that I chose and it lead me here today.

That was around the time I started focusing more on writing as opposed to acting. The pendulum swung, and a life that I worked my entire life for I left behind because I chose motherhood.

My Current World

Somewhere around 4:45-5AM I open my eyes, if I attempt to rest a half second longer my cat Captain Sushi pounces me, sliding his razor like claws under the cover to wake me up both terrified and in pain… I try to beat my aggressive alarm clock, most mornings are successful, but you can’t win ‘em all.

I wouldn’t say I float down the stairs, I clump… clamber… thud slowly down to make my coffee, shuffling my feet in my oversized slippers because my feet are narrow and I can not find slippers that fit properly- the whole while, trying to avoid my pouncing cat on the stairs, to the kitchen, to the pantry… Sushi does not frolic playfully around me. It is a life or death situation for the two of us, though he is unaware that if I fall and land on him, he will not be ok. There is nothing beautiful about the set up to my morning.

But I get my coffee and I sit and I write and it is the best part of the day… ok second best to snuggling my now eight year old boy. But I love this time.

Then I get up and I go to work at a preschool, where I play with 17 other kids all day. It is chaos, there is nothing calm about it, they do not listen, they are 5 year olds, they are feral, they speak without thinking and I love every minute.

And I get home just in time to get my son off the bus. Some days it is his afterschool activities, one day I save for my writing groups and seminars… I chose this.

a worn out, overwhelmed woman, in her kitchen, looks pretty but hot mess, gets coffee in her kitchen avoiding crazy cat

The Hero Accepts the Mission

I am fine with this world or I have been. But lately the artist in me has been calling me to do more, to be more present. The artist in me who I used to spend so much time with, is getting needy and selfish again.

Hello? Wanna play? I have an idea…

I feel almost guilty (thank you Catholic upbringing), asking for more. I have exactly what I wanted. But it is calling me. And I need to answer.

My nephew is pretty amazing. When he was born, I was a freshman in college. Now is is a Lawyer and a writer- he has published two books. At his wedding in November, he asked me when I was going to put my paywall up on my Substack? “Oh, I don’t know. in the New Year… maybe by Feb 1.”

Yes! 2026 I will start submitting and query my projects and start consulting…

Well, it’s February 5th and guess what I haven’t done? And I think I may have upset the powers that be because the Universe is reminding me what I was supposed to do.

I REFUSED THE CALL!

create an image that encompasses FEAR at its core. the fear of ones self with a woman at a the helm she has redish brown hair

My Antagonist- Fear

Fear is my own worst enemy. My sister used to call me Chicken, that was my nickname, because I am not very brave. Though now I am learning I am stronger than I think, fear still has a way of controlling me. Stopping me from moving forward, haunting me in my path.

I could move forward and put myself out there- but what if they don’t like me?

But what is more scary than if they don’t like me- because- honestly, not much will change if people don’t care for my writing- is what if people DO like my writing? That is terrifying because then everything will change. And deep down I know it. I want it, but I am scared. Fear is a bitch.

An Uncomfortable Situation

Well the powers that be notice that I have a want, I asked for the want, I put forth my intentions- the Universe is conspiring on the the back end by I have not done my work.

So it’s mixing things up for me.

in the Northern VA area we just had a snow and ice storm, in an area that typically doesn’t get tons of snow and ice. I am a northerner used to snow and ice and I could not get out of my driveway for a week.

Schools were cancelled all last week. This week, we have a 2 hour delay all week. Fine by me, I accepted my job because it followed the county’s school schedule which is my son’s school schedule.

Can I tell you what the corporate asshats in Arizona decided this week? That our school needed to get in and provide DAYCARE at our typical time not the delayed start. Breaking our contracts and what is also laid out in our handbook.

This is how we screw working mothers. Well this working mother. I am supposed to do I don’t know what with my kid, when I have had a plan to help other mothers… we cannot win. Our system is not supportive of families, even in the child care system.

I am aware that with the trajectory of the new way of doing things I am going to have to find another option. My contract will either not be offered to me next year or it will have changes that do not work for me and my family. The fire is lit under my bum and I am reminded of what my calling is.

redish brown haired woman accepts her call to adventure and embarks on her hero's journey

My Hero’s Journey

I am the author of my own hero’s journey. My call to adventure has been announced. I am accepting my calling. I will be brave. I will be bold. I will accept my call. And I will succeed.

Don’t think twice, just write!